Inside You
by Saritadreaming
Summary: A determined wolf... a confused man... battling over the woman that entices and destroys him, drawing him in even as she lets him go. When what you see in the mirror is hungry, a choice must be made. LiveJournal Darkfest Entry. DARK & OOC


**Title: **_**'**__Inside You'_

**Author: **SaritaDreaming

**Fandom: **Twilight

**Characters/Pairings: **Jacob, Bella

**Rating: MA**

**Warnings: ****Obviously, this is a Darkfest entry, so it's dark. The story contains disturbing imagery, including references to violence and suicide.**

**Darkfest Prompt: **Any fandom, any characters, none of this is real. A character comes to believe that their life and experiences are just an hallucination and they are actually in a hospital for their 'delusions' (a la Buffy's 'Normal Again', and others) Author's choice which version of reality is the 'true' one. Bonus points if the fandom is historical/futuristic/has supernatural elements/some other 'out of the ordinary' set up.**  
**

**A/N: **Thanks to my pre-readers, Keye, Sandy and Wendy for reading my twisted little tale. Hot Jacob hugs to my beta, Jess (jkane180), for her awesome skillz.

* * *

**~*Inside You*~**

**~*0*~  
**

_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become **_

_**~Three Days Grace**_

**~*0*~**

_**

* * *

**_

**~*Jacob*~**

"Mr. Black, how are you feeling?" Dr. Drent droned in his monotone voice. Shouldn't there be a law against voices with no inflection? No matter what I said to the man, he sounded exactly the same.

"Jacob. My name is _Jacob_. Mr. Black is my father," I replied in annoyance. My fingers worried at the frayed hem of the drab gray scrub shirt I was wearing. How many lucky fuckers had worn this shirt before me? What had they been through? Had they really belonged here like I do?

"Jacob... Jacob..." Dr. Drent called out with his usual flat affect, bringing me out of my thought bubble.

"Do they have _you_ on Lithium, too, Doc?" I smirked.

Dr. Drent leaned forward slightly, his glasses sliding down his nose, and his faded blue eyes looked at me with annoyance. "Let's not waste our session time, Jacob. If you continue in this vein, I'll have no choice but to have the orderlies return you to your room." He leaned back, his padded leather chair creaking. Pushing the glasses back up his nose, he opened a file on his desk and started rifling through it.

_What the fuck is this guy's problem? We need to get OUT of here._

Aw, fuck. There it was again.

_Look at me, you coward!_ A low growl rumbled through the room, and I glanced up at Dr. Drent, but he continued on with his paperwork, unaffected.

I glanced to my left, and sure enough, the humongous red-brown wolf was sitting there staring at me expectantly.

_We need to get out of here, and the way to do that is to have _less_ meds, not more. Once we can phase, they can't contain us here any longer._

"Just shut up, would you?" I snapped at the wolf.

Dr. Drent glanced up at me. "Is your friend here again?"

"Yes. He keeps trying to convince me I can turn into a wolf."

"Do you believe you can turn into a wolf, Jacob?"

"Fuck no! That's fantasy shit."

"You're making progress, despite the fact that you're uncooperative at times. Not cooperating doesn't make you crazy, though. I'm going to recommend a reduction in your Lithium dose, and we'll see how you're doing in two weeks." Dr. Drent started writing in the file.

"No!"

"No?"

"I need _more_ Lithium! The more I have, the less I see the wolf."

"But you_ know_ the wolf isn't real. We'll wean you off Lithium and try a different combination of medication. Trust the professionals, Jacob."

Two orderlies escorted me back to my room, where I flopped on the bed and started to drift off.

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

First beach... an uncharacteristically sunny day. I kneel in the sand, running it between my fingers. Feeling a soft touch on my shoulder, I look up to see Bella's beautiful face looking down at me. Pulling her down to the sand, I caress her creamy skin with the palm of my hand and lean in for a kiss. Bella's fingers tangle in my hair.

The sun feels so warm on my skin, and it seems like nothing could ever be more perfect than this moment.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Jake." She smiles.

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

_Dream on, asshole. Bella doesn't want you! She's too busy fucking the vampire while we're in here rotting away._

Sitting up on the bed, I couldn't resist the urge to head into the bathroom where I knew I'd see the wolf in the mirror. As it turns out, I didn't need to because he was sitting stoically next to my dresser. And they wanted to _reduce_ my Lithium?

"You're not real."

_Oh? More real than _you_ right now. Do you really believe that Bella loves you? Do you really think she was ever sitting on that beach telling you she loved you? We need to get out of here and fix this._

"There's no such thing as wolves and vampires. Those are just old stories my family tell around the bonfires. Why am I even talking to you? You're not really here."

_No, I'm you. We need to become one again. We're fractured, and we'll never get out of here this way._

"Maybe I don't want to get out of here."

_Sure you do. You want to find out which one of us is right, don't you? Does Bella love you, or love you not?_

As the weeks passed, they continued to reduce my Lithium, and the wolf went everywhere with me, growing more vivid by the day. Eventually, he was inside me, and I could hear his voice in my head. My fear ratcheted up, and I requested to see Dr. Drent.

"Hello, Jacob. What's going on?" As with every other time, he sat in his creaking leather chair in a boring gray suit staring at me over his glasses.

"I'm scared, Doc. The wolf is inside me now. He's in my head."

Dr. Drent leaned back, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "That might seem scary to you, but I think it means you're integrating. Your personalities are trying to find a way to blend and come together."

"You think it's normal to have voices in your head? Voices that tell you that you can turn into a werewolf?" Was this guy for fucking real?

"No, Jacob, of course not. This is all a process; you've merely reached another step in that process. The new medication doses are working well. Try not to get yourself all worked up, okay?"

This was not going the way I expected it to. The wolf chuckled inside my head. He grew closer to the surface every day, and I was afraid of being swallowed whole.

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

Bella swirls her finger around in the wet sand. "Let's build a sand castle."

I look over at her, and I can't help but smile. "Sure, Bella. I'd much rather spend my time kissing you, though."

"We can do both." She leans over, and her lips meet mine. Putting my hand on the back of her neck, I pull her closer, my tongue licking at her bottom lip. Opening her mouth, she allows my tongue to play with hers, and tingles shoot through my body. My dick stirs to life, pushing against my shorts, and suddenly her hand is on it... rubbing. "Looks like someone else wants to play..." Bella's eyes meet mine, and all the breath leaves my lungs.

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

_The time has come._

"What? What time has come?"

_We're getting out of here, and you need to right the wrongs that have been done to us._

"You're fucking nuts, okay? It's three in the morning! Let me sleep." I turned over, shoving my face into the pillow. I forgot though, you can't drown out a voice that comes from inside you.

_If I'm nuts, what does that make you? Toughen up! It's time._

"Leave me alone. I'm definitely asking to be put back on Lithium; this just can't be normal."

_Tomorrow, during exercise time, we leave here. Say goodbye, Jacob._

I shivered.

The next day was cool, crisp and sunny. The orderlies dragged most of us outside, and we were allowed to roam the fenced-in section out on the side of the building that backs up to the woods. They weren't worried; most of the inmates didn't want to escape, and those that did had a twelve foot high fence with electrified barbed wire to contend with.

I'd never smoked in my life, but when Jerry offered me a cigarette, I took it gladly. I coughed on the acrid smoke on the first puff; by the third, I was wondering why I didn't do this more often. I gazed around at what had been my home for the past few months. The brick building was non-descript—nobody would ever guess what went on within those walls—and the grounds reminded me of a college campus with rolling grassy lawns and beautiful trees. The only thing marring the scene was the electrified fence that snaked its way around this place.

_Are you done pontificating? Time to go._

I ignored the wolf within, and my thoughts turned to my family and friends. I hadn't seen anyone in a while, and that was probably my own fault. When the guys from La Push came to visit me, I saw a huge wolf sitting to the side of each of them. Before they could start talking to me the way my wolf did, I clapped my hands over my ears and caused a scene, knowing that the orderlies would drag me away and throw me in solitary for the afternoon. My father was the only one who still came to see me. Since he was in a wheelchair, it was hard for him to get over to see me that often, but he tried. His eyes were always sad, and he didn't say much. It really hurt me that I was causing him so much pain.

I could feel the wolf rolling his eyes internally. _Done yet?_

I walked away into the trees along the fence. Yes, I was in a booby-hatch, but I still didn't like to be seen talking to myself.

"Okay, you nutter. What's all this about?"

_This..._

And then my entire body erupted into agony, and it felt as though every joint, muscle and bit of me was being rearranged as the wolf and I truly became one.

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

_Pant, pant. Where is she? That vamp loving whore! Moving through the trees at high speed, I soon catch her scent. Choose Edward over me, will you?_

_My eyes light on the little, stone cottage she shares with her bloodsucker. Listening, I hear her inside moving about, hear her heartbeat. There's no other sound or movement, and I know her bloodsucker is out hunting. I also know that fucking psychic will see her future disappear in a moment and come running. Time is short._

_With a growl, I bust the door down and find her in a matter of seconds. She's reclining on their bed, singing, with her arm wrapped around her swollen belly. What? Swollen... she's fucking pregnant?_

_Bella looks up, startled. "Jacob?"_

_She doesn't have the sense to feel fear yet. Stupid, traitorous bitch._

_I growl low in my throat as I pad over to the bed._

"_Jacob, what are you doing here?"_

_I have nothing to say to her, so I open my jaws wide and bite down on her stomach—on their devil's spawn._

_Bella screams, "My baby! EDWARD! My baby!"_

_Blood spurts into my mouth, and I'm disgusted by it, but I continue in my attempt to bite through what proves to be a womb made of stone—just like the skin of the bloodsuckers. That's what my teeth are made for though—dismembering vampires._

_Suddenly, there's a roar behind me; Edward has arrived. I roll my eyes to look his way without removing my jaws from the womb of his beloved. Edward's eyes turn black with hatred, but I can see the grief already taking hold as Bella continues to shriek about that fucking monster in her belly._

"_Jacob, get off her!" Edward is on me in a second flat, and I'm not expecting the speed with which his hands wrap around my jaws and pry them apart. "Help me! Carlisle! Emmett! Jasper!" Edward yells out as loud as he can, but I can already hear their feet drumming on the ground as they race to save Bella._

_Cutting my losses, knowing I can easily escape because he won't leave that whore's side, I wrench my snout out of his steel claws and slip out the door into the night. For a long time, I can hear their screams of sorrow and outrage. I hope they can't save her—save either of them. I hope Edward loses his wife and his devil-spawn all in one night._

_JACOB BLACK! RETURN TO LA PUSH IMMEDIATELY!_

_Shit; I've been Alpha commanded, and even though the right belongs to me by ancestry, I willingly gave it all up and deferred to Sam Uley. I must answer the call. He's the only one of the pack in wolf form; he's ordered the rest of them to leave us alone because he doesn't want them to be witness to the carnage. He knows retribution will be demanded, and so he does the only thing he thinks is right._

_JACOB BLACK, YOU WILL RETURN TO YOUR HUMAN FORM AND NEVER AGAIN PHASE INTO A WOLF UNLESS GIVEN PERMISSION BY THE ACTING ALPHA OF THIS TRIBE. YOU WILL RETURN TO THE HOSPITAL UNTIL SUCH TIME AS THEY DEEM YOU CURED._

_Fuck, I have to listen to him. Already I feel my power slipping away... as I return to my weak human form._

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

"I love you, Jacob." Bella smiles up at me from the blanket we laid out on the sand.

"Not as much as I love you, Bells." I cover her body with mine and kiss her tenderly.

"Make love to me?"

"Right here?"

"Right here."

I'm about to remove my shorts, but a stray thought niggles at the back of my mind, ruining the moment. "Bella, what about Edward?"

"Who's Edward?" She scrunches her brow, looking confused.

"Edward Cullen?"

"Oh, you mean that guy I went to school with? What about him?"

I look into her eyes, and there's no recognition besides knowing who he is. I shrug. "Nothing. Forget about it."

I pull my shorts off and pull up the cover-up she's wearing. Bella giggles as I shimmy her bikini bottom down her legs. My gaze turns serious as I look down into her eyes.

"This is it, Bella. Last chance to change your mind..."

"Why would I change my mind? I only want you, Jacob. It's always been you, silly." Her smile falters slightly.

I tell myself to stop messing this up and just go for it. My lips come down on her ripe pink ones, moving against them softly. I feel the sun warming the skin on my back, and I wonder if I've gone to heaven. The woman I love is beneath me, the sun is above me, and all is right with the world.

Bella licks at my lip with her wet little tongue, and I accept her invitation, delving into her sweet mouth. My entire body experiences her kisses, and I feel her pelvis rock up against mine and know that she's ready for more. Slipping my hand beneath the cover-up, I slide it up her cool skin until I come in contact with the fabric of her bikini top. I lift it away, working my hand underneath, and roll a pebbled nipple between my fingers. Bella moans into my mouth, pressing the perfectly rounded globe further into my hand. Our tongues tangle together more urgently as we grind on each other, and I can barely wait to be inside her. Why_ am _I waiting?

Nudging her legs apart, I allow her to feel my manhood, to feel what she does to me.

"Oh, Jacob. Make love to me... please." Bella's eyes flutter closed, and I look down at her angelic beauty, the breeze off the water whipping strands of her hair in both our faces.

Slowly, I enter her, and as her body fully accepts mine, I know I've finally found completion. "Let me know if I go too fast, okay?"

"Okay," she whispers back with a small smile.

I start slowly, but my passion gets the better of me, and I move faster inside her. Bella's fingers grip my shoulders, her nails digging in and spurring me on. Soon, she's meeting me thrust for thrust, biting her lip in intense concentration. Leaning down, I pull her lip from between her teeth, taking it into my own mouth, and she bucks underneath me.

Losing myself inside her is so wonderful, and I throw my head back, closing my eyes for a few moments. When I open them, I see Bella bathed in blood, and she screams, "My baby!"

In shock, I stop moving and close my eyes tight. Her screams have stopped, so I cautiously open my eyes again to find her looking up at me adoringly. "Is something wrong, Jake?" she asks, looking concerned.

"Did I... hurt you or anything?" I ask carefully, not wanting to scare her—but shit—what I just saw scared me!

"No, of course not. Don't you think I'd tell you if you did?" Bella leans up and kisses my neck, running her tongue along my skin. "Keep going, Jake... please," she whispers.

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

"So, Jacob, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dr. Drent asked.

"Nothing, Doc. I'm not getting better here, so I decided to look elsewhere." I smirked at him in the way I knew he hated. _Stuffy asshole._

"Okay... but you did return on your own within twenty four hours."

"Not on my own; not really. A mentor insisted, and I complied." I felt the sluggishness of my words under the influence of a large dose of Lithium. _Thank_ _you_, _God_.

"What made you leave in the first place?" Dr. Drent asked.

"Not what... _who_. The wolf. He insisted I leave to take care of some business."

"How did you get out?"

"I turned into a wolf and jumped the fence."

"Do you really believe in werewolves, Jacob?"

"Yeah, I think I do since I fucking turned into one! So... more Lithium for me?"

"No, I'm afraid not. Shock therapy seems to be the next option if you continue with the delusions."

Deep inside my head, I heard a growl. Shit. Even with Lithium, the wolf was growling. I thought I might be losing touch with reality. What was real anyway?

The orderly escorted me back to my room where I found the wolf in the mirror again.

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

A few days later, and I'm still getting my Lithium by trading with other inmates who don't want to be on it.

_Fix this! Get us out of here. _The wolf glares at me through the mirror where he's trapped.

"Nah, I don't think so, fucker. When I listened to you, look what it got me. We don't even know if Bella's alive or dead—or her bloodsucker spawn."

_They're dead. Nobody could survive that much bodily damage and blood loss and still live._

The thought strikes both of us then—maybe Edward had time to change her. She might be like him now, all because I couldn't finish the job. Either way, my life is fucking over.

With a growl of fury, the wolf opens his jaws, coming out of the mirror and latching onto my neck. I don't fight him off; I revel in the slices of pain as he tears through my skin. So be it; so fucking be it.

Everything grows dim as I hit the floor, and I can hear the crack my skull makes against the tiles. I don't really feel it though; I'm now floating beyond pain. I can hear my own heart slowing as the blood pumps from my neck wounds.

The door to my room opens. "Jacob, you have a visitor. Bella Swan is here to see you." It's one of the orderlies, and I open my mouth, but only a gurgle comes out.

_Bella Swan?_ Here to see me? How is that possible?

"Jacob?"

Ian's heavy footsteps come closer, and he spots me on the bathroom floor. He grabs his walkie and yells, "I've got a suicide attempt here! Jacob Black, Room 320! Jesus Christ, there's blood everywhere!"

The walkie crackles. "On our way. How did he do it? Was he on watch?"

"No! He wasn't considered a risk to himself. The mirror in his bathroom—Jesus, he sliced his own neck open."

I hear the sound of Ian retching into the toilet as my vision grows dim. Doesn't he see the wolf bites and claw marks? Where is the wolf hiding?

_Inside you._

**~IY~****~IY~****~IY~**

**A/N: The banner for this one-shot can be seen on my blog. www . saritadreaming . wordpress . com  
**


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